Becoming Fearless
Welcome to Becoming Fearless, the personal growth podcast for YOU if you are ready to overcome fear and step into your greatness.
Our purpose is to help you overcome your limits and have loads of fun along the way, unlocking your fullest potential in life, business, health and relationships every single day.
I'm your host Charlotte Carter, a high performance coach and entrepreneur, with over 20 years experience. I've supported many highly driven talented people like you who dream big and are ready to take action to overcome what’s holding them back.
Each week my guests and I will be sharing hacks and habits on how to build self belief, courage and confidence to master your mindset and navigate your emotions - so that you reach your human potential in a way that feels light, fun and easeful and help you become fearless.
Let’s go!
Becoming Fearless
10. Navigating Life After A Break Up Or Divorce with Sarah Woodward
In this episode, I talk with Sarah Woodward - a breakup and divorce coach - about navigating life after a breakup or divorce.
Sarah shares her personal journey of going through a divorce and feeling lost and stuck, and how she eventually found her calling as a coach. She discusses the emotional and practical challenges involved and emphasises the importance of self-love and self-acceptance.
Sarah shares her tools for rebuilding and highlights the transformative changes that her clients have experienced, including new relationships, career changes, and personal growth. She emphasises that finding joy and happiness in yourself is key, along with the need to take small steps and be open to change.
We cover:
- The impact of divorce on relationships and identity
- The top fears after a divorce
- Healing and moving forward by practicing gratitude, reflecting on daily wins, and planning activities that bring joy
- How understanding your own love language is essential for building healthy relationships
CONNECT WITH SARAH
Website: https://www.sarah-woodward.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sarahwoodward_divorcecoach
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sarahwoodwarddivorcecoach
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedIn.com/in/sarahwoodward2
Sarah's book recommendation:
The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman: https://www.amazon.co.uk/5-Love-Languages-Gary-Chapman/dp/080241270X
CONNECT WITH CHARLOTTE
Website: https://www.idaretoleap.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/charlotte_highperformancecoach
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/idaretoleap
Join my Becoming Fearless Community on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thebecomingfearlesscommunity
Sign up to receive my weekly newsletter, packed full of high performance hacks, positive vibes and fearless energy:
https://www.idaretoleap.com/newsletter
Interested in working with me? Schedule your free no-obligation call here:
https://api.leadconnectorhq.com/widget/bookings/charlottescalendar
Welcome to Becoming Fearless, the personal growth podcast for you if you are ready to overcome fear and step into your greatness. Our purpose is to help you overcome your limits, have loads of fun along the way, unlocking your fullest potential in life, business, health and relationships every single day. I'm your host, charlotte Carter, a high performance coach and entrepreneur with over 20 years experience. I'm your host, charlotte Carter, a high-performance coach and entrepreneur with over 20 years experience. I've supported many highly driven, talented people like you who dream big and are ready to take action to overcome what's holding them back. Each week, my guests and I will be sharing hacks and habits on how to build self-belief, courage and confidence, to master your mindset and navigate your emotions so that you can reach your human potential in a way that feels light, fun and easeful and helps you become fearless. Let's go.
Speaker 1:Hello, hello, everybody, and welcome to another episode of Becoming Fearless with a fabulous, fabulous guest that I am bringing to your ears today. I am really really excited about this particular episode and recording it with one of my greatest friends for a number of reasons. She's an expert in her field, we will bring some joy and laughter into the conversation and she will be able to provide you with some tips to be able to navigate how to lead a life following a breakup or following a divorce. So, without further ado, the guest that I have got on today's episode is the fabulous, fabulous, fabulous Sarah Woodward. Hi Sarah, how are you today?
Speaker 2:Hi, charlotte, I'm good. Thank you, what an intro.
Speaker 1:Charlotte, I'm good. Thank you, what an intro. We um we first met, um, I think it was probably on a mastermind about three years ago. We met on a mastermind and we have been great friends ever since and we have been big cheerleaders of each other's journey and kind of how we have involved to become more and more fearless. So first of all, let people know a little bit about what you do now and how you help people, and then we'll delve into your journey.
Speaker 2:So I'm a breakup and divorce coach and also a positive psychology coach, so we did that training together, was it two years ago now? So, yeah, I work with mainly women but not solely who are going through a breakup and I support them with the emotional and practical challenges of their breakup so that they can fast track through it, and I like to get them to the place where you know their breakup is the best thing that's ever happened to them, even though at the time you know that's not something that they can imagine and that's ever happened to them, even though at the time you know that's not something that they can imagine. And that's certainly something that I wouldn't have believed if someone had said that to me at the time I was going through my divorce. But I truly believe that a breakup or a divorce can be the best thing that's happened to you.
Speaker 1:There could be so much growth and opportunity that that comes out of it and I'm fortunate enough to have witnessed Sarah's like experience in so many people's lives and being able to help people, and some of the people that I know she has supported have really really like, gone to live a like, like a completely different life, like something that they never thought was going to be in their awareness, so reinvented themselves on some level, brought about new hobbies, new experiences, new connections, new circles of friends and a whole different way of being that they just like you in your that you just said never, ever thought was possible. So what's kind of what led you to that path?
Speaker 2:So my background is I was actually an accountant and worked at Sony for 15 years and I went through my own divorce, which was 20 years ago now a long time and I was completely blindsided by it. I was devastated. I didn't see it coming and I found it really, really difficult to cope. I stayed stuck for a long time. It wasn't that I didn't want to move on, I just didn't know how to. I didn't have the tools to help myself. I went to therapy for a good few years but just felt I was saying the same thing week in, week in, week out, and that was just keeping me stuck. It was reconnecting me with all the negative emotions all the time. And you know, from all that therapy I never came away with any action plans or actions or I didn't learn any tools to help myself. Divorce coaching didn't exist when I was going through my divorce. So I tried everything. You know I read all the self-help books I could get my hands on at the time. Yeah, divorce. So I tried everything. You know I read all the self-help books I could get my hands on at the time. Um, yeah, tried exercise. Um, I did a lot of shopping, you know, and that's where you know a lot of distraction techniques you know can help, but they, you know they serve a purpose but they don't help you heal and move on in the long term.
Speaker 2:So I think it was back in 2019, I basically found out about divorce coaching. There was a number of things that happened. I think I saw a Facebook ad for some training. I read about a divorceeage service in the US, because divorce coaching is huge out there, and then I had a friend going through a divorce, which again made me realize that there wasn't much support out there. So as soon as I um found out about it, I knew that that was what I wanted to do.
Speaker 2:It felt like it was my calling, um, and yeah, I literally just jumped straight into the training and got myself qualified as as quickly as possible and I just love it. You know, I always say to people you know, part of it is about finding your mission and your purpose in life. When I was in my corporate role, I didn't hate it, but I didn't love it, and I always felt like there was something missing. I didn't know what that was, and the part of my role I did love was coaching and developing my teams, and now I it just yeah, there is nothing missing. I love it. You know, each day I look forward to getting started. I adore the clients I work with and yeah, and yet divorce coaching would never have been on my radar. It just kind of found me and as soon as I found out about it I knew it was for me.
Speaker 1:I love that and that's kind of why we wanted to share it in this podcast, because we want to get your expertise out to more and more people, because I think there are many, many people who are either contemplating, thinking about or finding themselves in a divorced place or a relationship breakup, that won't even know that you exist, because you're like one of the best kept secrets. So one of my missions was to get you more and more into people's ears, because it's like a bit of a taboo topic at times, isn't it? The whole concept of divorce. People don't want to talk about it. They're embarrassed, they're ashamed. I know friends that have been through it and it's been very, very emotional for them on multiple levels and I think it's seen like a failure on some levels.
Speaker 2:Oh, definitely. I mean I absolutely felt like a failure when I was going through my divorce. I didn't know anyone else that had been through a divorce. I didn't have friends or family. I didn't know anyone else that had been through a divorce. I didn't have friends or family, so I had no one in that situation to talk to who really got what I was going through. And I found that friends and family, you know, were really keen to give me their advice, but you know one it was limited by the baggage they were carrying and they were giving me that advice based on the fact that they'd never been in that situation themselves. It was just based on what they thought they would do in that situation, which actually is really different from when you're faced with it.
Speaker 2:You know, I thought I would have been much more stronger and able to cope than I actually did, but actually it felt like divorce was the first thing I'd failed at in my life. You know, I was a high achiever and that's like a lot of the thing I'd failed at in my life. You know, as a high achiever and a lot, that's like a lot of the clients I work with, so I didn't know how to cope with that failure. In inverted commas, you know, I really believe it isn't a failure and you have to change the way you think about that. But that's how it felt at the time and you know a lot of shame around it really, and that still happens today. I think it's got better, but a lot of the women I work with still have those feelings, and especially if there's a cultural element as well, like in Indian families and things like that.
Speaker 1:I had a client where it was very difficult for her family to accept that she was going to go through a divorce, so there's a lot of stigma attached to it as well and I think the the kind of like nature of what you and I are all about and what we chat about on lots of levels, when we have our like get togethers where we're like, hey, how are you, let's get on, and then a call and then, like two or three hours later we've chatted about many, many things. One of the things that came up when we were doing our positive psychology training is one of the pillars is all around relationships, and one of the things that I talk about in Becoming Fearless is about, you know, your relationship with yourself, and part of the things in a divorce is that the relationship with the people individually and together has just changed, hasn't it, and it just doesn't work like it did when they got married yeah, and that's completely true, and you know there's a lot of work we do about identity.
Speaker 2:it's, you know, for the woman, it's about finding herself again and who is she as a single person? Especially if they've been in a relationship for many years you know, 20 years plus they're not used to being on their own and it's like what's my life going to look like now without my partner? And there is a lot of fear associated with that as well that they have to overcome.
Speaker 1:And is it more the fear around, like the unknown, or fear of judgment, or fear of failure, like we've touched? Touched on? What would you say are the kind of like the top fears that your clients, if you were to sort of see the similarities between most of them, what are the, what the top ones, um, that come up for?
Speaker 2:them. Yeah, I think there is a fear of judgment, as we've just talked about, you know, being judged like what you know. I was like, well, people will think what's wrong with me that my husband's left. So a lot of fear of judgment.
Speaker 2:I think there's definitely fear of being on their own and a lot of clients are like will I be on my own for the rest of my life? So it's working with that, so they don't just rush into a rebound relationship. It's helping them to get to know themselves better, to love themselves again, helping them to get to know themselves better, to love themselves again, because then, once they can reach that place, they're much more likely to attract the right partner for them as well. And I think the other fear is the unknown. You felt like you had your whole future mapped out in front of you and that's gone and it's like well, what does my future look like now? I don't know, potentially, where I'm going to live, who I'm going to be with, how I'm going to manage financially, how am I going to cope with co-parenting? There's so many unknowns and that's what creates all the fear and anxiety around it.
Speaker 1:And what brings you the joy to help these ladies and what brings you the joy to help these ladies? Because some of them, I imagine, will come to you and they're, like you know, really feeling quite lost and feeling like you know everything's changed around them. Because I know for some of my friends who've been through this, it's like the friends turn, friendships turn a bit weird, and they either go with one partner or the other partner and it's all like there's lots of loss around and changes of different people around and it seems like it's a very rocky time, whereas I think you must provide the safety for the women, first of all, the safe space, so then they can start to peel back some of the layers of fear.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, like you said, fundamentally it's a safe space where there's genuinely no judgment. People will tell me things that they haven't told anyone else. You know they really feel they could be open and honest. And I feel like I can always, even like from the first meeting, I can see the potential in the client and I can see yeah, I can see that in them and almost see where they're going before they can see it themselves. And what I always say is you know, because it's coaching, it's very different from therapy in that we don't spend a long time going over what's happened, because that just keeps you stuck in all those negative emotions.
Speaker 2:The divorce coaching is very much forward-looking, it's action. You know, a lot of the time it isn't actually heavy. You know, we're even laughing in our sessions. It is helping them find the joy and the happiness in their life again for them and it's and in that it's not coming from another person to make them happy.
Speaker 2:And a lot of clients, you know, when they first start with me and I say you know what brings you joy, what makes you happy? They actually don't know they've lost sight of that. So we have to really go back to the basis and you know, help them find themselves again and you know, tune into what makes them happy, because they're so used to having put everyone else first that they don't think about themselves and that's a really alien question to them. So I always like I love to get my clients to you know every day, you know, ask themselves and think, you know, question like, what can I do that's going to make me happy today, and really start reframing their thinking and how they look at their life and then look at their day. So I mean I just love it seeing the people you know change and develop and grow and find happiness again in quite a relatively short space of time as well. You know, once the momentum starts, things can change really, really quickly.
Speaker 1:And I just want to say that I've witnessed personally Sarah's experience in.
Speaker 1:I've talked with her about various relationships, not necessarily my one with my husband, but various relationships that I've had that have caused me like heaviness in my energy, heaviness in how I feel, feel like they are, you know, all consuming in my head, and Sarah has this innate ability to be able to pinpoint what it is that's underneath that heaviness, just so that you can start to explore it and move through it and break it down and navigate it to step into this different version of you where you're not, like, all consumed.
Speaker 1:So I know you're super talented with that, but if you think about the people that are listening, that are like you know this, just I don't even know where to start and, yeah, I don't know where my joy is. I don't know where my happiness is. What's that first piece for them? Is it then, to be like opening, open to be willing to change, or trust that it's going to be different? Or what's their first piece that you can invite them to think about first of all, when they're in that? Whoa, this is just like I can, like. I just feel like I'm in the treacle do you know what?
Speaker 2:I think almost the first thing is making the decision that you're going to move on and get through this, because until you've decided that and you know, and then you're going to take action, nothing is going to change. You know, I can teach you all the tools and techniques, but if you don't take action and you don't have that self-belief, then nothing's going to change. And I always, I really believe it's just starting by taking really small steps. You know it's not climbing the mountain in one go, it's just taking a step at a time. It's planting those seeds and it's like building stepping stones. Really, you know you build one on top of the other and then eventually you look back and you realize just how far you've come.
Speaker 2:But I think it's having that belief to keep going when it gets tough, because you know you have days when you feel like you've taken one step forward and two back. You know you might be having a really good couple of days and then something happens to trigger you and you feel like you're back to square one. The reality isn't is that you're not, but it can feel like that. So I think it's always just starting really small and being open to doing the work I I think is a huge thing as well.
Speaker 2:I literally had that conversation with a client last night. It's just being open, open to the learning, the growing, and you know how you think about your breakup. It doesn't have to define you and, as we both know. You know, positive psychology says that you know so much growth and silver linings come from all the adversities we face in life and that, definitely in my experience, is so true and it's also, um, I guess, reflecting back to the, to your clients or to anyone listening, that this is just a snapshot in your whole life and nothing's ever guaranteed.
Speaker 1:So maybe in your head you had this perception that your marriage was going to last forever and you're going to have all these things happen in the next 20, 30, 40 years when you stood there on your wedding day. But nothing's guaranteed for any of us, um, and so we're forever pivoting. But I think this just comes divorce. When I talk about it with people who are my clients and it comes up and I always recommend you. When it comes up, it's like all of the other emotional stuff, isn't it? And the judgment of everybody else, and that, like perception of everybody else, seems quite strong for some women and overpowering for some women because they've either lost sight of their own strength in the whole process and and that you know talking about strengths and values.
Speaker 2:that's a big part of what we do in terms of, you know, helping you to get to know yourself again, um, which one opens up a lot of opportunities. It makes you happier and it increases your well-being when you're you know you're working and operating in line with your strengths and values, and it builds your confidence as well. You know, it really makes you recognize all those talents and strengths that you, that you have as a person. I had a client last night and you know I said to her, going to start with 10 things you love about yourself, and she was was, you know, horrified at the thought, and so I had to change it to okay, 10 things you like about yourself to start with, and we got to it fairly easily.
Speaker 2:Um, and it's just overcoming those mental blocks, isn't it? You know you automatically think, well, I don't love anything about myself, but it is just having that guidance through coaching, and then, you know, a homework is to go away and build on that list and to keep looking at that list when she doubts herself. So there's lots of really simple tools and techniques that you can use to rebuild yourself after a breakup, and I always say it's not even just after a breakup as well. These are tools that you've got for life. I always say it's not even just after a breakup as well. These are tools that you've got for life. Coaching is about empowering you to help yourself, and a lot of these tools are good practices to get into daily, weekly, monthly or however often you want to do them.
Speaker 1:I mean, I use a lot of them on a regular basis as well. Do you want to share your three top tools that people who are listening that they could, you know, have a try with themselves?
Speaker 2:so my, my key ones and these are ones that I do every day are gratitude. So three things I'm grateful for um, for me, I always do it when I sit down at my desk, that's the first thing I do, because that kind of triggers that habit. So it's finding a time that you know that you can do it every day. Um, and studies in positive psychology have shown that within 15 days that can improve your mental health, and I know, I definitely know that makes a difference to my mental health. Um. And then I think the other one I love is, at the end of the day, thinking about three wins or three highlights for the day, three good things that have happened to you, and sometimes I sit at my desk and I was like, oh, wow, that's been a really hard day. It doesn't feel like anything good has happened, but there always is something, and certainly the feedback I've had from some clients when they do that is they start noticing small things that they normally would have overlooked and not taken notice of, and again, this improves your happiness, um, your confidence and your sense of um achievement as well. Um, and then I think probably one of the other things I love is doing a brainstorm of everything that makes you happy, and then again with clients. This is hard to start with. It's something that you have to start and keep adding to, and it's about consciously trying to plan something in your diary every day that makes you happy. So, whether that's a phone call with a friend, whether it's getting out in nature, doing exercise, watching a comedy, you know whatever it is for you. Watching the funny cat videos on reels, you know whatever makes you laugh, and it's things like having those tools at your fingertips. So if it's music, for example, it's about having a playlist with really uplifting music. It's having a folder with, you know, all the videos that you love to watch.
Speaker 2:You know, friends and I were talking again the other night about you know when was the last time you had a good belly aching laugh? It's just so rare, isn't it? And then we were talking about that YouTube video that went viral with the woman climbing in the window. Just, oh, I mean I was. Just, I mean that's my sense of humor. I was crying, laughing at that, and that is that's the kind of things you need.
Speaker 2:I had, I had a friend who I went to. We did a girl trip to california after my divorce, um, and I had a complete Bridget Jones moment with my hair. We had a soft top and my hair was just all over the place and she'd let me go into a restaurant and eat like that, and it's only went to the toilet afterwards. When I saw myself in the mirror I was like, oh my God, I can't believe you let me go in like that. And you haven't said anything and there's just she's got a photo of me just cracking up laughing, and she used to get that out every time she needed a laugh to cheer herself up. It's about having these things. It's great to know that you make someone laugh. It's about having these things that you know there's nothing better than a really good laugh is there and it it just doesn't happen often enough.
Speaker 1:So it's building up your bank of things to turn to when you have those tough moments and I love that, and I think I imagine it's also about having those people, because I know you and I, every time we get on a call, we're laughing our heads off. It's part of our friendship, and so it's having those people like you, like your Bridget Jones friends that's what we're calling your Bridget Jones friends who laughs at the photo to bring her joy. It's having those people around you that it's like true vulnerability in some ways, isn't it? And true groundedness of being able to be in that moment of actually giving yourself permission to laugh, first of all, in whatever part of your divorce process you're going through Permission to have some joy, permission to have the happiness and start to see the glimmers of the changes that you can create in your life. When are we going to see the Bridimmers of the?
Speaker 2:changes that you can create in your life. When are we going to see the bridget jones photo? I need to find it because that reminded me the other night when I was talking about it with my friends, so I need to get a copy of it. It's hilarious. I'll look out for that post. I can't believe you.
Speaker 1:Let me sit in a restaurant looking like that it's like when I remember I've done this numerous times I've gone to like a big workout class with my T-shirt inside out and then the person behind us told me at the end that I've had my T-shirt inside out for the whole session. I'm like, well, why, it's those kind of things, isn't it? And then you just have to lean in and laugh at various things, but I laughter is, and it's so powerful. It's so powerful to release emotions. It's so powerful when you're in like a perceived sad state. It's very, very powerful, isn't it, as a release it really is.
Speaker 2:It can shift those emotions so quickly. So when I was going through my divorce, um, sex in the city was my go-to because I knew an episode of that without fail would make me laugh out loud, and it's so powerful.
Speaker 1:So let's talk about how you, what you do now with your life and you know, post-divorce. What are the things that you've brought into your life, because you have spoken about the clients that you help and how they will take small steps to create change and maybe do things that they never thought were possible. What were the biggest things that you've done in these last 20 years since you got divorced that you where you've blown your mind really that you just didn't see coming.
Speaker 2:So I think two things. I discovered my passion for wildlife photography. So if you, if I'd sat down and and you know done my I call it my breakup bucket list when I was going through my divorce, all the things that I wanted to do, that would never have even been on my radar. But I I went to a travel show with a friend in London one January. I'd always loved wildlife but got talking to this photographer and ended up booking a six-night safari to the Masai Mara photography safari and that honestly changed my life. All the people on the trip they weren't all single, but they just accepted me for who I was in that moment. They literally didn't ask me any questions about my life back home. They just accepted me for who I was in that moment. I just love wildlife photography.
Speaker 2:You know, when I'm in flow, I'm just lost in the moment. I'm completely immersed in what I'm doing. I lose track of time and then from that I've just made so many new friends. I've literally traveled all over the world, all seven continents, having so many adventures. And I've literally traveled all over the world, all seven continents, having so many adventures. And I wouldn't have done that if I'd still been married Absolutely would not have done that. And, yeah, it really changed my life. It's brought me so much joy and happiness and I still do it now.
Speaker 2:And then I think the other thing would be complete career change as well Having a job that I absolutely love I can't wait to get up to in the morning. I never have those Sunday night, you know, those feelings like oh, I've got work tomorrow. That just doesn't even happen. Even on the days that I don't particularly enjoy when I'm doing things like tech, you know, I still love it. I wouldn't change it for anything. And just to have that feeling that you're making a difference in people's lives as well and you're actually helping people is priceless really. So you know, I could never have imagined what would have come from my divorce, and that's what I say to my clients you can't imagine the opportunities that are out there for you.
Speaker 1:Um, and it's just by, you know, taking these small steps, being more open, feeling more positive, that's when these opportunities just come and find you really and do you think, um, if you reflect back on some of your clients, have they, like, created this, maybe more adventurous life, or have they created things that they never thought was possible? Is that kind of the pattern?
Speaker 2:for them as well. Yeah, definitely. You know new relationships, um. They've retrained, gone back to university again, just done a completely new career, um, so many changes for them again that they just would not have seen coming it's. It's just when we start delving into them and what makes them happy, um, and what they compromised on in their relationship, what they've always wanted to do. You know, once we dig deep on some of that stuff, it's just amazing what comes out of it.
Speaker 2:And once they turn, take that first step, like one client in particular, I think after our first session she decided to book a holiday that she'd been thinking about and that changed everything from her. It changed how she felt, which then just made her feel more motivated about life. And she's the one who's gone back to university and changed her career completely. And you know, when I first started working with her, she would not have seen that at all. She'd been in an extremely abusive relationship, had all her confidence knocked out from her, and yet she previously had a really successful business. But I could see that in her from the first time I met her and then just watching her start to see that and believe it in herself is just amazing.
Speaker 1:And these women and men are so, so fortunate to have you when they commit to you, because you can see the joy in your face, the energy that you give and the support that you give is beyond anything that they could dream of when they first sign up to you.
Speaker 1:I'm sure they get way more than they thought they were going to get of when they first sign up to you. I'm sure they get way more than they thought they were going to get, and the safety and security and loving conversations that you must have with them allow them to step into their brilliance. And while you're shining your light and holding that space and also having that personal experience, to say I know it's 20 years ago, but I do remember how I felt in this stages and I do get where, where you are, and you know there are these steps we can take. So I am super, super grateful that we have got you on to share all of your wisdom. How can people find out a little bit about how you work and what's the best way for people to get in touch with you?
Speaker 2:what's the best way for people to get in touch with you. So my website is sarah-woodwardcom, or you can find me on Instagram or Facebook. Sarah Woodward, divorce Coach.
Speaker 1:And we will put all of that in the show notes. And finally, what's? Well, I want to just talk about one thing before we talk about your book, I want to talk about the whole topic of love, because obviously part of divorce is for some people. They are losing what they perceived was the love of their life, and then I imagine part of your journey is for them to build the love for themselves. What's your concept of love in the divorce coaching field? Where are we trying to get these, these women, to? Is it, is it total love, acceptance, or getting the love back in their life without anyone else? Or what's the kind of space that you like to get them to in terms of how they feel in their heart?
Speaker 2:I think it's always about focusing on the love for themselves and the self-acceptance first, focusing on the love for themselves and the self-acceptance first, um, and it's not about looking externally for someone to create that for you.
Speaker 2:I think, genuinely believe you have to find that in yourself first and then, I think, when you are in that position, if you then decide you want a relationship, you're just going to attract the right person. You know, a lot of the work we do as well is is, um, you know, looking what's gone wrong for them in previous relationships, what the red flags were, so that they don't repeat those same patterns. They actually learn from those relationships. And then we look at well, what do you want and need from a partner going forward, because that can be very different. You know, a lot of us just fall into relationships we don't consciously think about what we do want and need, um, and that's, you know, a whole amount of work in itself. And then I think, when they're much more focused on that, they're much more likely to attract the right partner if that's what they decide they want brilliant, because I think it's always good to have an idea of what.
Speaker 1:You know what outcomes if somebody's coming. Think about coming into your world. That's kind of more often not a guarantee that that will happen in the work that you do, if they do the work, yeah. So, um, the final question that I ask everyone is what's a book that you have come across or that you recommend, maybe, to your clients or something that's helped you in your growth?
Speaker 2:um, I'll help you sort of become fearless I think one of my favorite books, um, which I always recommend to my client, is the five love languages by gary chapman. Um, it's a really easy read and it's just really enlightening. He's a pastor and a counselor and he's helped hundreds, if not thousands, of couples save their relationship. And it's all about, um, this concept of having a love tank and love languages, um, and and having to talk to your partner in their love language, because if you don't, then they don't receive it as love.
Speaker 2:Um, and I had a really good example with my partner. You know I like giving gifts and I was. I bought him something once and he was like, well, I wish you just hadn't spent your money on me. And then I was like really upset. But actually what I realized was his love language isn't gifts, so that doesn't make him feel loved, and so that was just, like you know, really classic example of just understanding that from the book. If I hadn't had that knowledge, I probably would have been really upset. It might have caused an argument. I would have thought he was ungrateful. And I just think it applies to, you know, your intimate relationships, but all other relationships as well with colleagues, family, um, and I just think it helps you understand people and the relationships in your life so much more, and yourself as well, even understanding what your love languages are and what you need yeah, and it's also um underpinned with positive psychology is it's something that we covered in our positive psychology um coaching certification and it's also underpinned with positive psychology.
Speaker 1:It's something that we covered in our positive psychology coaching certification and it's something that we've both just retrained, by the way, and re-qualified again, so we're fresh with new tools and techniques from that field as well. But I think it's really bringing it all together the whole concept of divorce coaching and how you support women to really change and embrace the opportunities, despite what they may initially feel, and, like you have, create a life full of deep fulfillment, deep joy, deeper connections with people a partner that's completely different connections with people. A partner that's completely different um the relationship dynamics that you have, all of your wildlife photography that's taking you around the world, all of the adventures that you go on um and show people um that there's lots of different changes that can happen if they're willing and ready to take that first step exactly.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there's so much more out there. You know, divorce is not the end. I I think it's. You know, it's really about embracing this new chapter and this new path in your life. Really, just because your relationship has ended, you know, it doesn't mean it's a failure. It's just something that happened to you and there are so many more opportunities out there.
Speaker 1:And there's so many more good things that around the corner exactly. You have no idea thank you so, so much for being on. I have loved it like I knew I would, and listening to you share your wisdom and support all of those people that you can in the way that you do is just so priceless, so thank you so much for being my guest today. Have you got anything else you want to add at all, or have we kind of like nailed it like we do?
Speaker 2:No, I just say thank you for inviting me on. It's been great you are so so welcome.
Speaker 1:So if you listen to Sarah and you really resonate with what she's saying, then please do follow her on Instagram or on Facebook or drop her an email. All of those details will be on the show notes below this episode. And please do reach out. She is super supportive. If you're not in the right place, if you're really emotional, she will hold the space and be able to navigate you or signpost you to other people or, if she's got space, let you into her world and have some coaching with her. So thank you for listening. Thank you, Sarah. Take care and enjoy the rest of your day. Thank you for tuning into this week's episode.
Speaker 1:I hope that you're feeling energized, fearless and inspired to take action today, to stand in your greatness. To take action today to stand in your greatness. I share even more tools and resources on my I Dare to Leap email newsletter. By signing up, you not only get early access to the I Dare to Leap products and services, but you also get brand new podcast episodes delivered straight to your inbox every Monday, meaning you'll never miss your weekly dose of Becoming Fearless energy. Sign up now at wwwidaretoleapcom forward slash newsletter or click the link in the show notes below.
