Becoming Fearless
Welcome to Becoming Fearless, the personal growth podcast for YOU if you are ready to overcome fear and step into your greatness.
Our purpose is to help you overcome your limits and have loads of fun along the way, unlocking your fullest potential in life, business, health and relationships every single day.
I'm your host Charlotte Carter, a high performance coach and entrepreneur, with over 20 years experience. I've supported many highly driven talented people like you who dream big and are ready to take action to overcome what’s holding them back.
Each week my guests and I will be sharing hacks and habits on how to build self belief, courage and confidence to master your mindset and navigate your emotions - so that you reach your human potential in a way that feels light, fun and easeful and help you become fearless.
Let’s go!
Becoming Fearless
46. The Power Of Self-Care In Parenting with Sarah Fisher
Parenting is a challenging journey, but what if you could foster deeper, heart-led connections with your children?
I chat with Sarah Fisher, an expert in creating meaningful relationships between parents and their children. Sarah's profound insights on understanding behaviour as a form of communication and the importance of self-discovery in new roles like parenting will open your eyes to the transformative power of self-awareness and fearless parenting.
There are many parallels with the business world and parenting. Self-care, staying calm, building connections, regulating our own emotions and modelling healthy behaviour are all crucial elements to success in parenting, as they are to life and business too.
CONNECT WITH SARAH
Website: www.connectivefamily.com
Facebook: Facebook.com/connectivefamily
Sarah's book recommendation: The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel van der Kolk
CONNECT WITH CHARLOTTE
Website: https://www.idaretoleap.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/charlotte_highperformancecoach
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/idaretoleap
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Welcome to Becoming Fearless, the personal growth podcast for you if you are ready to overcome fear and step into your greatness. Our purpose is to help you overcome your limits, have loads of fun along the way, unlocking your fullest potential in life, business, health and relationships every single day. I'm your host, charlotte Carter, a high performance coach and entrepreneur with over 20 years experience. I'm your host, charlotte Carter, a high-performance coach and entrepreneur with over 20 years experience. I've supported many highly driven, talented people like you who dream big and are ready to take action to overcome what's holding them back. Each week, my guests and I will be sharing hacks and habits on how to build self-belief, courage and confidence, to master your mindset and navigate your emotions so that you can reach your human potential in a way that feels light, fun and easeful and helps you become fearless. Let's go.
Speaker 1:Hello and welcome to another episode of Becoming Fearless. I am excited to bring you another guest episode with somebody that I met I don't know how long ago now, but we've remained great friends. We met we were in another program together that we were both in and we remained great friends, and we meet up probably like a couple of times a year and just like chat through life, business, everything really and it's great to have somebody in your world like that, and so it was like an obvious question for me to ask this guest to come on the podcast and talk about her fabulous, fabulous work and also like what she's here to make a stand for and how she helps people in so many, so many ways. So, sarah, do you want to introduce yourself and let people know what it is that you do?
Speaker 2:Of course. So hello everyone and thank you, charlotte for having me. I, what do I do? I work with parents. I always ask that question what do I do? Always seems like there's never a quick answer. But I work with parents predominantly who are struggling with their kids behavior. So, for whatever reason they might be struggling to connect, they might be finding life challenging, their child might be finding life challenging and we help them to feel comfortable as a parent, find their way with it and connect with their child in a way that works for their child so they can help everybody move forward and create the family life they want.
Speaker 2:We also work with a lot of people who work with families so social workers, psychologists, people like that teaching them our approach as well so that they can go out and help families, because the more we can help, the better is my theory in life, and it's all about connection. It's about heart-led, heart-level connection that really we see the child and the adult. We see the child, we see the adult, we see the behaviour for communication. We see the child, we see the adult, we see the behavior for communication. So what does it actually mean?
Speaker 2:Why are we communicating in that way? What are we trying to show that maybe we don't have the skills or the knowledge or the words to explain in a different way. So that behavior might come out in a way that maybe isn't that nice. It's a bit aggressive, maybe it's avoidant, um, and so we just avoid the world. You know, teenagers hide in their bedrooms to avoid the world sometimes and their emotions or they might come out literally in fight and flight mode. So it's just helping everybody to know how to cope in that environment so we can help the next generation grow up and achieve their full potential and what they want to do in the world. So in a nutshell, that's what I want to say.
Speaker 1:So, in a nutshell, I mean, sarah is absolutely phenomenal. So, basically, if you are listening and you are a parent, or if you are listening and you are a professional that helps families and parents, or if you are listening and you're in any type of human connection relationship, keep listening, because Sarah has a million and one threads to how she works with people and, ultimately, I've learned a lot by being in her presence, because it's about relationship building. Her expertise is with parents and families and professionals, but also, I just think there's a massive overlap for all of the relationships that we have in life, and the first one that I want to talk about, in terms of being brave and being courageous, is one that I've talked about a lot, but I want to talk with Sarah about. This is about the relationship that you have with yourself, because I know when I first became a parent, I was like oh OK, I've now got this new role in my world that I had all these ideas.
Speaker 1:Oh okay, I've now got this new role in my world that I had all these ideas, but really it was just shining light on the things that I was good at and also the things that I was, like, really not good at and had to learn and was trying to find this kind of rule book of life and it was really difficult and I remember it being a massive awareness piece. When you come into a relationship like that or anything that's new new there's a whole like who am I in this dynamic? Do you come across that when you first start working with people?
Speaker 2:yeah, absolutely, and I also. I just want to pick up on what you said a minute ago about relationships, because everything we're teaching is relationships and you know, if you're struggling with your connection with your child, often we are struggling with our connection to ourselves and that can create struggles in our own relationships. So everything we teach, we also help parents to stay connected to themselves, so they are in a relationship with somebody. Everything we teach works with them as well, but also with family, with friends, because it's all about connection and we all want connection as humans. Ultimately and I think you're right you know, I became, as you know, a mum through adoption, so I had a gorgeous seven-year-old move in and that was quite a shock to the system.
Speaker 2:As you say, when you suddenly become a parent, it's very, very different, and I was one of these people. I'd worked around children all my life. I was working in a school at the time. I'd done aid work in a war-torn country after the war. I'd work with kids in church environment. I'd done so much I honestly thought this parenting thing can't be that hard. I'll walk this. I get this. I understand this well. Talk about a shock to the system. My ego took a right old bashing, and I think you do, because you suddenly that bit of you that I mean I was single, so I've adopted by myself, and that bit that meant I could just pop to the shops, even you that I mean I was single, so I've adopted by myself, and that bit that meant I could just pop to the shops even just that, or I could just go out and do what I wanted to do All of a sudden you can't, because you've got a little person who means that you can't just do those things, and particularly with a seven-year-old suddenly becoming your child, you really can't. And I mean you can do that at any age, any age. But I think we do.
Speaker 2:I think we struggle sometimes to see ourselves and all that we can lose ourselves and trying to do the best for our kids. We can get frustrated and triggered when things don't work, and I think our children are the biggest mirror to the things we might need to look at in ourselves and our own belief system. And I have spent the last 10 years as a mum having to go okay, right, need to look at that again. Where's my belief? Come around? I don't know everything from. We should sit at the table every night to have dinner which never happens in my house, by the way, because it doesn't work for us, because that's an internal belief and actually that's part of who you are as a parent or as an adult.
Speaker 2:And I'm just rethinking everything but also, as they get older, thinking who am I?
Speaker 2:I can be.
Speaker 2:I can be Sarah as well as a mum, as well as a friend and a partner, and I think it's helping people to see that they can be everything, and actually I think that helps our kids as well.
Speaker 2:So I'm not saying our whole life shouldn't obviously our kids should be a huge part of our lives. We want them to be, but I do think we need to have a bit of our lives for us as well as adults and as individuals. You know whether that's going off and doing your mad runs that you like to do and getting muddy, or whether that's, you know, I going off and doing your mad runs that you like to do and getting muddy, or whether that's, you know, I'm more a go out for lunch kind of a girl, um, but do some yoga. But it's about those things that fulfill us, because if we're fulfilled as the adult, as the parent, actually we can be a better parent and a better I'm gonna say role model I'm not really sure I like that word, but we can show our children they can do the things that they really enjoy, you know, and still achieve things yeah, I think there's the element, isn't it?
Speaker 1:it's, um, showing how you show up for yourself is so powerful for the people around you and that, like the leader within peace of how you can, uh, lead yourself to be able to, yeah, like for me, go and get, do the crazy mud runs, as you call them. Do the things that bring me joy, that allow me to connect to myself, allow me to walk with different versions of fear and walk with different versions of achievement. Really, um, that's what they serve me, and finding your version of that is really powerful, isn't it? And finding your courage in all of that.
Speaker 2:So I think it's important to also accept that we can all do different things, you know, and we all enjoy different things, and that's okay and that's really key, isn't it the permission piece, yeah, permission piece to do it your way absolutely and I think as parents a lot of parents have come to us have been maybe, if their child isn't coping like we or society says children should cope, so maybe they're finding school really hard, which huge numbers of children are at the moment particularly post-pandemic Maybe they find social interaction hard and they're not really a going out and partying kind of kid, or maybe they're going the other way and they're out and you're really worried about their safety all of the time. Actually, when we can accept them for who they are and work with them and accept ourselves, we can start to change some of that dynamic and help them feel comfortable in their own skin. And when we feel comfortable in our own skin, we can make judgments that maybe are better for us, are safer for us, and live our true potential rather than being really worried about everything. And I think that also then creates stronger connections. We can have different conversations with our kids and go out and you know I was that teen.
Speaker 2:He used to go out sometimes and get very drunk, um, and I'd have lots of conversations with my parents about staying safe and and doing you know, not doing those things that might put you at risk, and it can be when society says your children should behave like this and if they're not, you're not doing the the right job as a parent, you're not doing it well enough. That level of judgment on us is really hard, I think, to then say, actually, that's not the way I'm going to parent. I'm going to parent in this way because that meets my child's needs and that's I know. I find it difficult a lot of the parents we work with would say the same. There's a lot of judgment and pressure on parenting in a particular way. You know um and children behaving in a certain way and being at school every day and all of those things that we all know as parents are not always that easy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there's a lot of the whole kind of like parenting realm comes with just these expectations societal expectations and then personal expectations, and then dynamics between the two parents about their upbringing and there's just like a whole. It's a whole mix, isn't it, of relationships that bring you to that moment to making decisions about somebody else's how somebody else is going to live their life.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so all the common things, sorry I'm gonna say the thing that just came to me when you were talking then sorry for interrupting is that idea of you. Know you, you talk so beautifully about being fearless, so much, and I think as parents we have to be fearless to do the right thing for our kids and for ourselves, and that is where we create happier homes and more connected communities. And you know this idea of it takes a village to raise a child. The village has disappeared in a lot of places because people don't know their neighbours, let alone see their family. But actually we have to be fearless to do the right thing for our kids.
Speaker 1:I think as much as we can do, I love that being fair, being parenting in a fearless way.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So are there any common themes? Like in the work that you do in all the different strands, are there any sort of common themes? I'm just thinking about people listening, parents listening, and they're like, oh my goodness, do you know what? I just love a calmer household, or I'd love to understand, or I'd love you know things aren't going as smoothly as they want and they're starting to see some patterns, but not necessarily knowing even where to start.
Speaker 2:Are there themes that you see or where would you guide people if they're in that first space? Yeah, absolutely there are. I think the first thing and I know that all the families I work with and all the people who follow me on social media are going to laugh if they hear this is self-care is looking after ourselves and actually not feeling guilty and doing that thing, because when things are tough, we all know that sometimes we just keep going. You know, maybe you're really stressed at work and it's piling the pressure on and you get home and that stress carries into the home. Well, if we go into the home with that level of stress, we respond differently. We are, or most of us are, more snappy. I know when I'm really stressed, I go into micromanaging mode, I start controlling everything and as an adult, everyone goes oh, you're really stressed, you need some support. But that stress response our children can mirror it. And so then, when they start micromanaging, we might say they're being really controlling. They're not behaving appropriately, that's their stress response. Managing it we might say they're being really controlling. They're not behaving appropriately. That's their stress response. So I think it's a modeling that it's good to look after ourselves and regulate our nervous systems and take some time out to relax. That's really important, and doing that with our child and seeing their responses as stress responses.
Speaker 2:If you've got a a shouty house, let's just go. With a shouty house where everyone shouts a lot, the first thing is actually for the adults to go. I'm shouting a lot. How can I stop myself from shouting a lot? We cannot ask our children to do something we're not prepared to do or work on, at least ourselves. At the old, I know in years gone by I might've stood at the bottom of stairs saying years gone by, charlotte, still do it now, sometimes stood at the bottom of the. I'm doing exactly what I'm telling my son not to do. You know, if you want me come downstairs, well, I'm shouting that up the stairs to him and probably have just shouted come down for dinner or something. I've done exactly what I'm telling him not to do. So how can we expect them to do it differently? Because we're literally modelling what we don't want them to do.
Speaker 2:So if you've got a shouty household, the first thing is the, or anything happening in your household you don't want to happen, is think about, as the parent, reflect on what your role in that is, am I staying calm when my child is struggling? And that could be they're becoming avoidant and they're just they don't want to go to school. So they're avoiding school, they're staying in bed. For lots of us, and as a mum has gone through that, that's really triggering and it's really hard to stay calm in those moments and see your child's stress and anxiety. The alternative is true If they're coming out shouting I'm not going to school or whatever it is. Again we can end up engaged in that. If we can stay calm, we can help them regulate. We can understand what's going on for them. The whole house becomes quieter and that gives you space to have conversations and connection which is my next bit with our children, to truly understand what's going on for them and help them to understand their own emotions.
Speaker 2:And I think, if we can you know we're in our mid to late 20s before we can fully self-regulate. But often we expect children, even 15, 16 year olds, to be able to just calm themselves down and they can't. Their bodies are not able to, yet they literally don't have the ability to do that. So they need our help and support and it's much easier for us to do that if we're looking after ourselves, so we're more calm and regulated, and then we can start gently having those conversations with our child that says you know, I can see you're really struggling with this. How can I help? How can we work together to find solutions?
Speaker 2:And I think so often as parents we feel that we need to maybe find all of the solutions ourselves, but also we can't necessarily see where our child is coming from. So those conversations help us to understand our child's point of view and what's going on for them, help us to realize we don't have to solve everything. You know, none of us want to see our kids distressed, but we don't have to solve everything. We can work with them to find the solutions and that's also teaching them problem solving, which is a lifelong skill, you know. And that connection, when they've got partners of their own as they're older, or children of their own, they'll be so used to those conversations they just become normal.
Speaker 2:So when they've had an argument with their other half, they know what to do. Oh, I go out, I have that conversation with them, I de-escalate, I chat about what's going on, rather than it being that elephant in the room that we've all had when we've had an argument with our partners and we sort of ignore it and hope it'll just go away. And the more we communicate with our kids, the better, the stronger the bond we create with them and the more skills we're teaching them and they're going to talk to us more because they know they can do and they're going to open up more, and then you can help them move forward that's um, I quite often talk about the richness in life and I think having um, having two teens myself and having a great relationship with them it's about that richness in life is that we can have those conversations.
Speaker 1:Um, we've built a framework where conversations can be had quite openly. Can we talk a little bit um, because I think the listeners will enjoy this piece. Can we talk a little bit about this whole self-regulation piece, about wherever you are in this dynamic and whatever the relationship is where you know it's actually you. You're either a hothead and you go to anger quite quick, or you go into avoidance, or you know your pattern but you don't. You don't necessarily know how to, because you've had it for however long, you don't know how to necessarily start regulating yourself rather than just trying not to do it. Are there any tips on that?
Speaker 2:absolutely. It's such an important point, isn't it? Because when we have lived in maybe a state of dysregulation for any length of time, actually it takes our body's time to feel comfortable not living in that stress state. And our kids are the same. You know, we're all physiologically the same, whether we're an adult or a child, pretty much, and so if we have been stressed for a long period of time I don't know about you, but I know if I've been really stressed and I go on holiday, inevitably I get ill because your body relaxes and all the stress comes out and you get a cold or you get a headache or whatever. And that's literally our body relaxing. And I think sometimes we need to start. We can either go for that cold turkey effect, go on holiday, relax and come back a bit more de-stressed, but that's not really practical for most of us.
Speaker 2:Little things, two minutes, a couple of times a day, just taking some deep breaths, dancing around the kitchen to get the energy moving in your body. I sit still a lot for my work, so I know that in between and throughout the day and in the evening I need to move. I love a kitchen boogie. You will often find me having a boogie in the kitchen. That just gets the energy moving in my body. It gets the stress out, it releases the cortisol, it kicks in that dopamine hit. I love it. Getting out for a walk, you know, even if it's chucking down with rain, an umbrella, whatever, get out for a walk and just move. For me that really helps Other other people it's going for a run or doing some yoga or reading their book, but it's doing something for them, that relaxes them. And knowing that two minutes a couple of times a day, or even just once a day, that's all you feel you can manage right now if things are really really stressful, that's going to start moving things forward and it's better to do two minutes a day than nothing. And yeah, absolutely A day at a spa amazing, fantastic. But there's no point in doing that once a year if you do nothing for the rest of the year. A little bit every day is going to be so much more powerful.
Speaker 2:So I would suggest things like breathing. We can all deep breathe and also they're brilliant in the heat of the moment if your child is starting to escalate. If you deep breathe, you can't talk, and that can be quite helpful when your child is escalating, particularly if you think I sometimes say things I don't mean to say or I get really cross. Deep breathing in the heat of the moment can work a treat writing down or thinking about a couple of positives at the end of the day before you go to bed. There's loads of scientific research around the benefits that has to our mind. We sleep better because we're in a slightly happier place, so we wake up in a slightly better mood. All of those things will impact and I'm a big believer in gratitude.
Speaker 2:I love eft as well, because I can tap in the moment. Or tapping, eft, tapping, whichever you call it, um, a couple of minutes of that in the morning can help just shift my mood or mindset, even if I don't really know why I'm tapping. Sometimes I just tap, I think not sure I just don't feel quite right right now um, and just tap on that and it can release stuff. That's it. A bit of yoga, a bit of stretching.
Speaker 2:Go for a walk, jump in an ice bath I know you've got one of those ice baths again, not my cup of tea, too cold, um but even just turning the shower down to cold, you know, all of those things just help shift the energy and knock us into our relaxation system, and when we're there we can stay calmer with our kids, we can see their struggles rather than their bad behavior, if that makes sense. And when we see the struggle rather than deal with the behavior we're seeing in front of us, we start to really change things and we can respond differently. So I think, yeah, for me it's those things that can just help bring us into a more regulated state. Um, that makes it sound easy, doesn't it, charlotte? We both know it's not that easy, but those little bits can help.
Speaker 1:I it is, and I love the way that you've picked up on that, because you and I, you know, we've had numerous conversations about lots of topics and we have a great rich conversation, and one of the things is, you know, about high performance and about the reality checks of life, is that we, we know these things work. It's about overcoming your self-sabotage patterns, your own fear, your own stuff, and being able to actually implement them every day. Isn't it being able to create that space, being able to prioritize that space, being able to see the power in that? And I think one of the things that you must see time and time again is, when people take these steps that you're teaching these pieces, within a few weeks, sometimes even sooner, I imagine they start to feel different about themselves, and it's those small refinement pieces that help you navigate all of the things and bring more courage to you changing yourself, changing your dynamics and being able to step into like, a happier, healthier lifestyle yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 2:And you know, I know it's not easy to keep up with the self-care.
Speaker 2:I'm brilliant at telling other people to do it. Um, and you know I ended up with a really bad migraine the other week and that was me having trying to burn the candle at both ends and in a couple of places in the middle all at the same time and forgetting the self-care and thinking I could manage it all because you might be feeling better and you're feeling good. And that's for me often when the self-care dips because I'm feeling good, I forget to do so much of it. Um, and you're right, and certainly I've actually just finished running one of our group programs and we had eight sessions over about 10 weeks, a couple of gaps at half term and, you know, within a few weeks, literally some of the parents like the house is slightly calmer. You know the escalations aren't so bad. Things are definitely shifting or we're able to get everybody back to a calm state quicker when things do start to escalate, and that's because as parents, we're going into it in a different place. We're going into it calmly, so we've got more capacity in our system to support our child, to co-regulate, than when we're virtually at breaking point, because then we've got nowhere to go before we explode.
Speaker 2:And I think, the more we can stay calm and I often talk about being their harbour walls. So being our child's harbour walls and actually being able to. You know, when a harbour walls, the ships in the harbour, the walls keep it safe, they keep the water calm, they keep everything safe outside of that can be a force 10 gale going on. If we can be our child's harbour walls by keeping ourselves as regulated as possible, we can help them process their emotion, understand their, their emotion, you know, come out of it the other side a lot better than if we join in with the storm. And so when we can regulate ourselves, absolutely it makes so much difference.
Speaker 2:But it's not easy, you know it's not easy and I see, certainly with my son and other children, when we teach these, when we do these skills, when we do it with our children, they do pick it up. My son can do this with me. Now, if I'm the one escalating the joys of hormones and all those things sometimes I like to escalate the argument myself he will now do what I've been doing with him for years and help me regulate, and I think that's the power of it, thinking wow, wow. Actually I haven't taught him these things, I've just been doing them and he can now do it with me, with friends, with other people, in such a beautiful way. And isn't that amazing what we can do without actually teaching it to them, you know?
Speaker 1:so powerful. So if people have been listening along thinking, oh my goodness, I just need Sarah in my world because there's 10 ton of storms going on at home and I really need some advice and some support, how are the ways that people you, that you help people? What are the offers and programs? I know we'll put some details in the show notes, but just let people know a flavor of how they can work with you yes, we've got.
Speaker 2:There's a few different ways, depending on what feels right. Um, so, to start with, for those people who may be thinking, oh, I'm not sure it feels really different to me, it feels really strange because it will do, depending on how you're currently parenting. Uh, there are a ton of free resources on our website, loads of stuff that you can just start feeling whether it's the right thing for you. Um, I would being biased. I would say this is going to help everybody. It does. You know, we work with loads of different families, with loads of different needs, with neurotypical kids and neurodivergent children, with children trauma backgrounds, everybody. And because it's relationship based, it's going to help because we all want relationships. But go and have a feel around the website if that feels the right thing for you.
Speaker 2:If you are a parent or carer, we can. We have a membership and where you can come and kind of get as much support as you want, and it's got lots of training. It's only 15 pounds a month, so it's really affordable, hopefully, for the vast majority of people, and my team and I are in there to help you whenever you need help. I mean not quite 24 7, but pretty much. You know we do sleep but to help you whenever you need help I mean not quite 24-7, but pretty much. You know we do sleep, but we're there whenever you need it and it's a brilliant, supportive, vibrant community of parents who are somewhere on their journey to learning this as well. So that's an amazing place to be. If you feel like you need more than that and some people absolutely do we do one-to-one support sessions and some people feel more comfortable, don't they, talking privately and one-to-one, and it feels kind of more relaxed and better. So we absolutely we can do those and we can do one-offs or we can do a group of them. If you're struggling, one-off probably isn't going to help you through it, but it might give you some really good ideas to get started at least.
Speaker 2:We also, for those that like to be in a group, we have a group program that runs over about four months and it's a mixture, so it's eight group sessions and then we have four. You get four one-to-ones at the end of it as well. So you get that time in the group to hear that other parents are going through the same struggles or similar struggles may not be exactly the same, but they're having similar struggles, um which can help us feel not alone. I think so often we feel alone as a parent. We feel like we must be the only one going through it. I can't tell my friends, I can't tell my family, it's embarrassing, they'll think I'm rubbish, all of those things. So that group program shows that you're definitely not alone, and then you've got the one-to-ones to dive more deeply into any specific problems.
Speaker 2:Um, the details of both of those are on the website, obviously absolutely welcome to you. Know, get in contact and we can talk about what might be the right options for you, because everybody's different. There's no one-size-fits-all. We don't teach one-size-fits-all when we're working with children, let alone in terms of supporting parents. If you do work with families professionally, we've got some qualification courses that we run as well, and again, those are on the website. So that's more your bag if you're listening to it from that perspective, we're there as well. So we've got both sides, depending on what feels right, and it needs to feel right.
Speaker 1:You know, needs to feel right and comfortable and go and have a look at the website. I just want to talk a little bit more about Sarah as a person. What she does in this world is absolutely phenomenal, and the impact that you have and the way that you handle yourself and the way that you have built this epic empire of support for yourself, support in your business, the people that you bring in, that you employ, that work in, you have exactly the same standards. It's not like you know, you get Sarah or you get somebody that's not at her level. You get all sorts of people who've got the same heart-led principles.
Speaker 1:That's a big part of the ethos of the brand, but also it's about when you listen to Sarah and how she explains things. This woman has got great off the scale results with families who were like at the end of their tether in life, really thinking do you know what? I can't see how the hell I'm going to get out of this. And Sarah has supported many, many, many families like that, um and more and so if you've just got any inkling of any piece around, you know what I could just do with a little bit of guidance or do you?
Speaker 1:know what I mean absolutely to my neck and I need a whole heap of stuff. Sarah is your woman wherever you are on that journey, so please go and look at the resources. So, finally, I just want to ask you about the question that I ask everybody that comes on our podcast, which is about a book that has helped you in your journey around becoming fearless.
Speaker 2:Firstly, thank you for those really kind words. They're very, very kind of you to say. Secondly, it's a book by Bess of Anderkult called the Body Keeps the Score. It's a book by Bessel van der Kolk called the Body Keeps the Score, and it really helped me understand how our body holds memories that we might not have, but also memories we might have.
Speaker 2:So trauma is, particularly focuses on trauma. So whether you are a military veteran who's been in a trauma experience and you're holding all of those memories in your body, veteran who's been in a trauma experience and you're holding all of those memories in your body, or whether you are maybe a child who had a really tough start in life, maybe things happen to you that no child should have to experience, or you've, you know, experienced something as an adult that has created trauma in your body. His book just opened my eyes to really understanding that sometimes we can't talk about our issues. We have to deal with them somatically. We have to do other things. We might not have memories, we might have blocked them, and our responses can be driven subconsciously by what we're holding in our bodies.
Speaker 2:And so when our children are behaving in a certain way, it's often not a conscious choice, it's a subconscious choice. It's a safety choice. It's a keeping them safe. In the same way as adults we do the same thing. Sometimes our responses are very much driven by our survival mechanism kicking in and that for me, it's kind of I mean it's. It's one of those books that's often referred to as the Bible in the trauma world. But it really did change me and help me see things differently and say, actually, this is the bit that confirms the way I want to parent is the right way to parent and I'm stepping out of the norm in inverted commas to parent in the way that works for my son and taking that out to share with everybody. So, yeah, that's the book that's made the one of the biggest differences to me.
Speaker 1:Um, so highly recommend reading it it is a very, very powerful book, um, and I will put the link to that in the show notes as well. So also, I just want to touch quickly um on that. You um work globally, don't you?
Speaker 2:we do, yeah, we do so. We support parents from oh, we've got parents from all over the world, uh, particularly australia, america, europe, south africa, um, israel. We're also training um colleagues from all over the world, so those who work with families as well, yeah, various times of day and night. So love a bit of you know, working in the middle of the night with people on the other side of the world. But we do all of that. And what's really interesting is it doesn't matter where you are in the world Relationships, relationships, relationships, it's all about that. Whatever's going on, we all want relationships. We all about that. Whatever's going on, we all want relationships. We all want positive relationships. We all want a heart-led connection. We're all humans, ultimately, and that goes across cultures, religions, anything else. We all want that connection, um, so, yeah, we are working across the world, sharing the idea of heart-like connection and relationships. Putting that first.
Speaker 1:Brilliant, so so good. So anyone listening, wherever you are because I know the podcast is global, wherever you are in the world, please tune in so it's not just UK based. I just wanted to get that bit in. So thank you so so much for being my guest today. I've really, really loved it. Guest today, I've really, really loved it and I'm sure there will be many, many listeners that have taken a lot from your words of wisdom that can go and drop onto the website and see how there can be some resources to help them and get in touch if they know that that's the next step. That feels good for them. So thank you so so much for your time, thank you so so much for your friendship and, um. You know I just love the conversations we have and I also massively love the impact that you're here to make.
Speaker 2:Brilliant. Thank you so much. Thank you for having me and, yeah, right back at you on the friendship thing.
Speaker 1:So yes, thank you. Thank you for tuning into this week's episode. I hope that you're feeling energised, fearless and inspired to take action today to stand in your greatness. I share even more tools and resources on my I Dare to Leap email newsletter. By signing up, you not only get early access to the I Dare to Leap products and services, but you also get brand new podcast episodes delivered straight to your inbox every Monday, meaning you'll never miss your weekly dose of becoming fearless energy. Sign up now at wwwidaretoleapcom. Forward slash newsletter or click the link in the show notes below.
